“One Step Away”…

There are some songs that can perfectly translate what you may feel…This one does it for me…

“One step away
from all I want
and I know it’s all here

afraid to move
afraid to choose
afraid of my own fear

of times when I may not be strong
places where I may not belong

but I hold on
to this feeling
that stands above all feelings
tellin’ me not to let go

and I live on
this feeling
the greatest of all feelings
tellin’ me not to grow cold

please help me get through
and let me in you

I love you…

Ah…those three words. A melody that we all want to sing and hear. A magical sequence that brings life to emptiness and transforms the coward into a combatant. A combo that nourishes the heart and ensures peace to the journey. Love holds the mystery of our essence and existence in this world, as its purpose is inscribed in our deep self.

Too bad though that those words have lost their true sense since they are misused and over employed. We are so desperate to be loved, that we strive for its permanence and seek to possess it. Funny then how we convince ourselves that we love someone only/simply because we feel butterflies in the stomach, because we lose appetite, because we feel physically attracted, because we enjoy the same kind of music, because we laugh at a same time to a joke, because we agree on the color of the sky, because we can’t stop thinking about the other one, because we start day dreaming, and so forth. Those are emotional signals that may show a tendency or a potential to love. But they can’t be mistaken for Love.

“I Love You” is so beyond the restrictive and selfish signification we tend giving to it. And it’s a real pity that too many times the purity of its intention is perverted for quick consumption and self satisfaction. 

Surely, each one of us has his/her own conception, interpretation and definition of love, as well as his/her own way to prove it. To me, “I Love You” is the expression of  a greater aspiration and aim, by which (and not only):

- you seek the other’s happiness and good

- you care about how well the other person grows and blossoms

- you give support, affection, tenderness, presence, attention, patience, especially when the other needs you most

- you respect the person in his/her entirety and make sure to never hurt his/her dignity

- you treat the other as decently as you expect to be treated

- you praise the other’s qualities and accept his/her defects

- you embrace the other as he/she is and do not try to mould him/her to what you want

- you give without expecting something in return

- you don’t see the other as a mean to satisfy your own needs 

- you  never try to dominate the other or degrade him/her

- you do your utmost to protect the harmony of your home

- you defend what is right and true

- you never allow to go to sleep without making up

- you exercise yourself with humility

- you accept to put yourself into questions

- you believe in him/her as much as you believe in yourself

- you don’t just try, check or test but you commit

- its physical expression is not a search for self contentment or possession, but rather of self giving

- you make sure to nourish the bond that will make you remain together and keep you close especially in times of turbulence and hardship. A unique and special complicité that is indestructible and that outweighs any fleeting desires.

True Love is not a “floating” sensation or emotion. On the contrary: it should be strongly grounded. True Love is not a periodic, temporary or convenient feeling. It is there to last.

“Love … bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” (Corinthians, 4, 7, 8).

And as much as presumptuous as it may sound, this is how I wish to be loved…for this is how I (will) devote myself to love…with all my imperfections and petitesse…yet with a loyal/faithful heart and soul.

Compromise…

Are there any ideas, values, believes, visions, convictions on which you would (never) comprise?

Differently put, can you compromise on everything? To what extent? In which circumstances?

“Rolling” – by Seal

All my life
I’ve been selling the truth
Of a liveless soul

All my life
I’ve been waiting for something
To give me hope

You haven’t seen what I saw,
17 months a year… when it rained

By all aspiring me, I do what I have to now

[Chorus:]
Rolling out of my bed
I still can’t find the truth I’ve been searching for
Going back instead I shot my eyes dream who I could be once more
They see the trouble with me is that I’m one who knows
But I just don’t understand
Rolling back my head I think I’ve learned that I do want to live…
Again

All my friends
They’ve been telling me:
“you are a kindred soul”

All my friends
If they only knew who I was before, but…
They haven’t been where I’ve been before
17 months a year

I don’t know…

Three days ago, we were invited at a barbecue at my sister’s neighbors. We were a table of 15, with people of different ages and backgrounds. We didn’t speak the same language at all, but sympathy and warmth made understand each others. Ok. My sister’s translations here and there helped as well.

What I recall the most are the moments of laughter, guessing each other’s language signs, cheering all together around (several) glasses of Prosecco, the cozyness of a spring evening, the silent broken with our lively chats, the great hospitality we were offered.

I mainly talked with one of the neighbors’ son, Mikhael, as he was the only one speaking some English. Now at the army, he was returning from a 5 months trip in Australia and was sharing with me some of his adventure. He explained me how much he enjoyed this journey on his own while making friends from all over the world. He confessed me that he had to work and save a lot of money to be able to get to that side of the world and that he was planning to renew the experience anytime soon to the U.S.

Then he addressed me the fatal question: “do you like your job, K?”. “No, I don’t”, I replied in a half smile. “So, what else would you like to do?”. “I don’t know”. I could see that my answer left him a bit perplex. “And do you like where you live?”, he asked me.  Instead of giving him a clear cut answer, I rather went into detailing what I felt about this land where I have been for too long. The good and the bad. “Where would you like to go then?”. And again I replied “I don’t know”.

While this 21-year-old young man seems to have a better idea of what he wants, I still struggle with those same and endless interrogations. And being 31, makes me more anxious day after day, not finding what it is that I should do, what is my purpose, what it is that I really want. I have this stressing sensation that I’m not controlling the what and where of my life; that I’m passing by it instead of properly and fully walking into it. Time is running so fast, and I’m here only subsisting.

How come I still don’t know? 

 

 

Thank you God…

…for the people I meet and that you put on my path for whatever reason,

…for my family, 

…for my friends, 

…for my neighbor,

…for health,

…for the moments of sharing and kindness with true people,

…for the sense of peace you give us when we take some time for and with you,

…for the feeling of tranquility that the nature you created provides,

…for the comfy atmosphere that spring brings.

In the waiting line…

Lady 1: “Sorry Miss, are you also queuing ?”

Lady 2: “I am indeed”

Lady 1: “Have you been there for long?”

Lady 2: “For quite a while, as a matter of fact. You need to have patience until it gets to be your turn.”

Lady 1: “Right. Although I hope I won’t have to wait for too long, as I’ve lots to accomplish.”

Not so long after, the speaker announces “Next!”

Lady 1: “Miss, it’s finally your turn! Aren’t you going?”

Lady 2, hesitating: “I’m not sure…I….maybe… well, you should take my turn: you seem in a hurry and clearly you know what you want…”

Lady 1: “Thanks but…I don’t understand. You said you’ve been here for long. Aren’t you decided yet?”

Lady 2, sighing: “Not quite”.

Lady 1: “If I may say: you won’t get the missing part of your answer just by standing here, waiting and letting others taking over your turn. Sometimes, you just have to try. And if it doesn’t bring you the result you expected, well, then, at least you’ll know that you need to change line!”  

Lady 2: “You are right. But where do I find the courage?”

Lady 1: “You don’t find it. You experience it by daring. Now, why don’t you give yourself a chance today?”

 

Some wait in the line to post mail, to buy food, to check-in for a flight, to use public toilets, to get in a concert, to have a medical treatment, to make an audition, to enter a nightclub, to register to new university classes, to get a job,… I’m lining to figure out what turn to give to my life.

I’m still at that same place where I was some years ago and I haven’t progressed. That must be because I used to give myself the excuse that I would have time to figure things out or, differently put, I convinced myself that things would happen on their own, at the right moment. I couldn’t be more wrong. Time passes by and doesn’t wait for you at all. “No guts, no glory” as would remind me a friend of mine. “It’s not because you look physically 10 years younger that you have a credit of 10 years. You still age!” as my Neighbor would bluntly – but rightly – say.

What am I doing….or should I say, NOT doing? 

Just want to say hi…

…to you Gigio. I hope you are well…

You are still in my mind (even after such a long time) and in my prayers…

I guess I’ll always carry you with me…

A confession…

I can’t believe I haven’t been writing in more than a month! Wow. And now that I realise, it has been as long since I’ve been using my personal laptop, at home, just for the sake of chatting, surfing the Web or blogging.  So, it may look like as I’m no longer into writing and sharing, but it isn’t so, really. I would be more honest in saying that I haven’t made the time for any of it.

Was it because I got a little unwilling to staying on my own and discoursing about some of my thoughts (God only knows that they keep flowing and flowing)? Maybe. Was it because I still don’t ace at time management? Most likely. Was it because I had decided that I’d rather spend the time that I would usually dedicate to my own benefit and virtual activity, with a beloved one instead? Definitely.

And yet. I’m here this morning. Quite happy frankly to have this time for me, alone, just as if I would sit in silence to meditate or even to confess. Speaking of confession, I’ll go to see my priest this afternoon to vocal my sins, to pray the Lord for the graces I’ve been receiving, and to ask for forgiveness. Yes, I feel full of guilt for the promises I haven’t kept, for the diplomatic and white lies I have said, for the help I haven’t given, for the easy and radical judgment I have had towards some persons, for taking without giving, for not allowing the time to nourish my faith and to “listen”…and the list goes on.

And still, I want to ask for more. For more than I already have. For more happiness: that the person I care a lot about will come and celebrate Easter with me, with my family and friends. I so wish that this miracle could happen. I never thought that it would make me so sad if he refuses to. 

Tonight, we’ll be celebrating Jesus’ resurrection: Jesus’ victory against Death together with the glorification of God’s reign. A reign of ultimate and perfect Love, Redemption, Forgiveness and Hope.

One of the best way to experience God’s Salvation is through the Holy Sacrament of Reconciliation. If you have time today, just go…..even if you haven’t been in years. If I can, you can as well  You’ll be surprised how amazing you’ll feel afterwards. That’s what I’ll be looking forward to. And you?  

You’re all in my prayers…

Pygmalion

Some success stories or testimonials of major life changes and accomplishments mention about an inspiring, encouraging or driving figure, who has been playing a crucial role within the metamorphosis of the individual. Or should I say within the liberation, revelation and expression of one’s true personality and potential.

Sometimes, this figure is a political leader, a religious eminence, a social dignitary, God, a Saint, a divinity, a writer, a philosopher, a singer, a teacher, a friend, a colleague, a lover, a father, a sister, a mother, a brother, a tutor, a coach, etc. For some, the influential person will be present during a whole life time, providing guidance along the path. For others, this special person will appear to mould, advise or monitor during a specific time, until the objective is attained.  

Different appellations are given to that critical other, among which Pygmalion. I found that this is especially the case when referring to a masculine mentor. But what’s exactly behind that label?

According to Greek mythology, Pygmalion was a Cypriot sculptor who carved a woman out of ivory. The statue seemed so realistic that he ended falling in love with it. So, eventually, he offered the statue and prayed Venus (Aphrodite) to bring the statue to life, which she did after taking pity out of him. 

More contemporarily, and based on this story, George Bernard Shaw will write a play that he will name “Pygmalion” (1912-13). The plot is about a professor making a bet that he can teach a poor flower girl to speak and act like an upper-class lady, which he will succeed at.  As a matter of fact, the film “My Fair Lady” (1964) is just another adaptation of Shaw’s work.

Interestingly enough, in psychology the term Pygmalion effect will be used for example to “refer to situations in which students perform better than other students simply because they are expected to do so. The Pygmalion effect requires a student to internalize the expectations of their superiors”. 

This leads me of course to ask how much can we let ourselves be (un)willingly/(un)consciously influenced by the expectations of others, whether they are beneficial or detrimental. And when we do, is it because we have, to a certain extent (and according to the type of driving figure), allowed ourselves to develop some sentiments or fascination towards that someone we end up putting on a pedestal?

In any case, I think that one can use of his/her predominance on another if he/she demonstrates a minimum of  charisma, credit, esteem, and magnetism.

Now, do we all meet our own Pygmalion? Have you? If so, in what circumstances?

Personally, I think I have…some time ago. And I can say that it has been an unforgettable experiment.